The first sign is that you feel that you are compromising your standards to be with him. This means that you know you are not treated the way you should be treated but keep bending to behaviors or actions that you know are not right for you. Listen to your instincts & don’t ignore the nagging feeling that it is not right. This includes abusing any substances, anger, trust & verbal abuse issues. Another tell-tale sign is that you are constantly on edge, the feeling that you cannot be yourself. Maybe you are always waiting for the other shoe to drop when it comes to his mood or presence. We have all felt that feeling (at one time or another) where we know but keep making excuses.
Your values are not the same
These are the most important things that you value moving forward, such as do you want kids & how many? What are your main beliefs in raising children such as who will be the main caregiver or how to you discipline, etc? Religion, how important is it to you and what are your expectations? Family relations, lifestyle, work ambitions etc.
If you are not aligned with the main values, they will only get more pronounced with time.
Do not think that you can change someones’ core beliefs because you cannot.
You don’t respect each other
Rolling your eyes, personal attacks, feeling contempt and embarrassment about your significant other are sure-fire signs that you will not make it for the long haul. This may take practice if you have some bad habits when communicating but is absolutely necessary. According to Dr. Gottman uses the metaphor of the four horsemen to describe communication styles that will kill your relationship. They are criticism, contempt, defensiveness & stonewalling,
You think that love will be enough
Love is not enough to change a person, love is not enough to change values, love is not enough to change behaviors. Love is just not enough. You have to use your head to choose a partner. Choosing the right partner will be the most important thing that you can do for yourself and your family. Choose wisely!
He would be perfect if…
Yeah, well just face the fact that you have to love him as-is. Not when he loses weight, not when he gets a better job, not when he spends more time with you, not when he drinks less, on and on. People are capable of change when and only when THEY want to truly change. People are ALWAYS showing you who they are, what they have done in the past their habits, their actions. Do not listen to words watch their actions. Do not expect it or you will be regretting not understanding that fact sooner.
Just because you invested time and energy into someone does not mean that they are worthy or more time and energy. if they display these behaviors. Listen to what your head and gut are telling you, not just your heart. You are smart, being single is much better and healthier than being in a bad relationship.
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