So the path you thought you were on has changed.
The future that has been dreamed of, planned for or lived will be different. It will take some time to find love after a breakup. Perspective is what will help you move on from “what was” to “what can be.” The dream was not what you thought it was, and that is what you need to get a handle on.
Many times we project what we want with a person that is either unable or unwilling to be who we need them to be. Once you are able to have the perspective that this person was not “the one” but the “one you hoped for” you will find that you are one step closer to finding “the right one.”
Grief is real and needs to be felt & experienced before it can be let go. But perspective, some self-reflection, and self-care will move you from the past to the future. The reality is that if we choose to look at and learn from our disappointments, we will absolutely be better off. Each failure in life will teach us about ourselves if we choose to see that lesson.
Reconnect with friends or family that may have been neglected. Confide in those that you trust, but be aware if “talking out your feelings” turns into wallowing. A trusted friend will help you get back on track but you should seek help if you feel that you need a professional.
Facing Your Fear
You put time and energy into your relationship and the idea of putting your energy into someone new is NOT what you want to do, initially. Figure out what you learned about the relationship. What do you want more of? What would you like less of? Have you found non-negotiables? After some reflection, spend time…real time thinking about what you want. You do not have to take into account anyone else’s wishes or desires, just your own.
“Take some time to re-evaluate, re-focus and renew.”
Now it’s essential to get healthy, try meditating & going for walks. Spend some time just “being.” Journaling is one way you can get in touch with your feelings and bring them to the surface. Writing them down can make your feelings clearer. Being paralyzed is an easy emotional state to spend too much time in and is not healthy. It’s so much easier to create a sort of cocoon to feel safe and not venture out. But taking small steps will make each day easier. Create new routines and habits that are for your benefit. Soon you’ll be thinking of what you want your future to look like and likely dating will be part of that.
The idea of dating may be tough so it’s better to reframe the idea. Maybe it will seem less daunting if dating is framed as “a fun experiment.”
So many movie themes have a couple that hates each other. Just can’t stand them, they think they have them pegged. The two are then “forced” to spend time together, for whatever reason and they start to see a different side. There is more than meets the eye, they end up showing more of themselves and they fall for each other.
Keep it light, be interested and curious about others
The reason that storyline resonates is that it takes time to really see someone, this cannot be done with a swipe or with one date. For this reason, it is usually more effective to meet when you are doing an activity. Meetups, volunteering, business class, cooking class etc. If you decide to online date, make sure you mix it up and don’t rely on that exclusively. The idea is to have fun and keep your options open, the more you are out and about the better.
Stick to Your Standards
Hopefully, you know yourself a little bit better and have a clearer understanding of what went wrong with previous relationships. This is why it is so important to spend time reflecting. Taking enough time for yourself will help you heal and gain some clarity. You know how you should be treated, and what your values are so make sure to keep your standards. Sometimes we bend and make excuses for bad behavior. The truth is that people tell you who they are all the time with their actions. Pay attention and believe them!
Success in any endeavor takes some effort, so don’t be quick to give up. As long as you keep moving forward, progress will be made. Just believe in yourself!