There are a million reasons why someone may be single. Some are out of choice and some may be because of
not finding the right one. Many of us come to this place from very different starting points.
Being Happy + Single
The reality is that we have to be happy with ourselves before we can even begin to be happy with another person. Being healthy ourselves is necessary for our own good whether we are with partner or not.
Sometimes being single is portrayed in a negative way especially in movies. The reality is that not all relationships are happy or healthy. We all know friends or family that are struggling or dealing with real relationship problems. It is soul sucking it be in a bad relationship and the health problems that come with that are many.
Everyone comes into our lives for a reason, some to stay and others for a season
I love this saying (there are many variations) This is so true, many for us to learn lessons from, some stay for a lifetime and some for a season. We all have relationships, friends or partners that have come and gone. Hopefully, we learned the lesson that they may have brought. Sometimes I think that if we don’t get the message the first time, then others show up to drill it into our heads. Eventually, we get it.
This way of looking at things helps to put into perspective when a relationship is over and it’s time to move on. The two things that we sometimes dwell on are,
1.The amount of energy that we put into the relationship and the idea that now we have to start over. Maybe the relationship should have been easier. That in no way means that relationships are easy, but it takes more than one person to care enough to put in the work to make it work.
2.How our day to day lives have changed without having someone to share our space with or care for. The relationship took our time and focus and now we need to redirect. There are many benefits of being single and that is what we are going to focus on, the benefits.
Single = Too Fabulous to Settle
Benefits of Being Single
You can focus on your wants and needs. You bring into your life what only you want. The idea of not having to deal with someone else’s mood can be very freeing. No more watching what you say or how you say it. There is no defensiveness or being let down.
Take control of your own happiness and make it a priority to become the best version of yourself. This is the best time to become very self-aware, this is what will benefit you throughout your life.
What do you like or not like? How do you communicate with partners? Do you have weaknesses that you can work on? What hobbies or dreams have you always wanted to pursue but never put in the effort? Observe what makes you happy and what bothers you. Be aware of your strengths and figure out how focusing on that can be a benefit.
Create Your Future
Has there been traveling that you have wanted to do or schooling that would help with your career? Or maybe you want to change your career or city, now is the time to create your future. So often you take into account someone else’s job or family obligations. If you always wanted to move, take that leap of faith. This is your life, this is your chance, dream the big dream.
The Choice is Yours
Being single is what you make of it, you are not bound by anyone’s rules. Enjoy the freedom that you have, it is a gift. Just because you are single does now mean that you do not have relationships. Reconnect with friends or family that you haven’t had meaningful conversations with lately, maybe meet for lunch instead of a quick text. put in more of an effort to strengthen other relationships.
This doesn’t have to be serious but a way to meet new people.
Take the time to notice people that are around you. At the coffee shop, grocery store etc. Just smile if someone catches your eye. If you would like to make a quick connection, just ask a question. If you were at the grocery store you could ask them where the cereal is located. Whatever seems appropriate. When you are walking out and about, you could ask where the closest gas station or coffee shop is… you get the idea.
Don’t fantasize about each person “being the one,” that is just too much pressure and will take the lightness out of the date. Even though the person you meet may not be a great match, they could be a great friend or be a good connection in another way. No meetings are a waste of time if you treat them all as worthwhile.
Simply means, being present. We tend to be stressed when we are living in the past or worrying about the future. The past and future do not exist so the best place to be is in the “now.” Doing the best that you can do, daily is a good start.
Meditation is a good practice to keep centered and it feels really good. Even spending 10 minutes a day will make a difference. The top CEOs of Fortune 500s are huge proponents, they wouldn’t take the time if it didn’t show real results!
Keep Track of Negative Thoughts
We all do this and it’s soo self-defeating. Just because they are thoughts that go through our heads does not mean they are true. Shocking, but true. We get wrapped up in telling ourselves stories that may not be true or healthy. Watch what our inner voice is saying. Telling ourselves that ”I not good enough” or “I will be alone forever” or anything that’s negative, must stop period. When you find yourself going down that path, STOP and recognize what you are doing and change the voice.
For me, it’s fear actually not fear failure but the fear that time will run out before I get where I want to go. Everyone has their Achilles heel, do whatever you can to control and make sure that it is serving you and is positive!
Learn From the Past
The goal is to always try to learn from the past, but not repeat the old bad habits. Comparing previous relationships to the present is not going help move you forward. Everyone is unique, give them a chance to show you the different sides of themselves. Try to understand the past the best that you can and put it into perspective. Talking negatively about your relationships shows that you may not be over the past. The best place to be is where you can be more objective. Plus talking about the past without anger means that you are well on your way to being healed and ready for something new.
Hopefully, the tips will help each of us to be a better version of ourselves. We deserve it.
Enjoy this season of your life. You will be a stronger more confident person if you happen to find someone that you want to add to your life that is worth your fabulousness!