The first sign is that you feel that you are compromising your standards to be with him.
If you are not being treated the way that you should, that is a sign that he is not the one.
Not being treated as you should
Do you keep bending to behaviors or actions that you know are not right for you? Listen to your instincts & don’t ignore the nagging feeling that you know its not right.
This includes abusing any substances that should not be used or having anger, trust & verbal abuse issues.
Another tell-tale sign is that you are constantly on edge, the feeling that you cannot be yourself. Maybe you are always waiting for the other shoe to drop when it comes to his mood or presence.
We have all felt that feeling (at one time or another) where we know what we should do but keep making excuses.
Your values are not the same
These are the most important things that you value moving forward, such as do you want kids & how many? What are your main beliefs in raising children such as who will be the main caregiver or how you will discipline, etc?
How important is religion to you and what are your expectations? Family relations, lifestyle & work ambitions are all issues that you will both need to be on the same page.
If you are not aligned with the main values, they will only get more pronounced with time.
If you think that you can change someones’ core beliefs because you cannot.
You don’t respect each other
Rolling your eyes, personal attacks, feeling contempt and embarrassment about your significant other are sure-fire signs that you will not make it for the long haul.
This may take practice if you have some bad habits when communicating but is absolutely necessary. According to Dr. Gottman who uses the metaphor of the four horsemen to describe communication styles that will kill your relationship.
They are criticism, contempt, defensiveness & stonewalling.
You think that love will be enough
Love is not enough to change a person, love is not enough to change values, love is not enough to change behaviors. Love is just not enough.
You have to use your head to choose a partner. Choosing the right partner will be the most important thing that you can do for yourself and your family. Choose wisely!
He would be perfect if…
Yeah, well just face the fact that you have to love him as-is. Not when he loses weight or when he gets a better job. Not when he spends more time with you or when he drinks less etc.
People are capable of change when and only when THEY want to truly change. People are ALWAYS showing you who they are by what they have done in the past & their actions everyday.
Do not listen to words, watch their actions or you will be regretting not understanding that fact sooner.
Just because you invested time and energy into someone does not mean that they are worthy or more time and energy if they display these behaviors.
Listen to what your head and gut are telling you, not just your heart. You are smart, being single is much better and healthier than being in a bad relationship.
What do you think?
You must be logged in to post a comment.