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Ghosting in a Relationship: How to Respond & Avoid

Ghosting in a relationship means that communication and contact has been cut off without warning and for no apparent reason. At first you wonder “what’s going on?”   

 

 When you realize that the other person has stopped communicating and the relationship is over, you’re left to wonder why this happened and what went wrong.

 

What does ghosting mean in a relationship?

 

When this happens we question what is wrong with us? What’s wrong with them? Why didn’t we see this coming? 

 

Ghosting has become more common in dating ever since the rise of dating apps and social media.

 

The reason for this seems to be because many people hide behind the screen and don’t invest that much in each person. 

 

There is this feeling that there’s an unlimited supply of people to take their place. If you think about it this way, before smartphones we met people through our friends and family.

 

If someone acted badly, someone likely found out about it and may have called them out about it.

 

Now, when you meet someone online  there is little common connections and no one is being held accountable. 

 

Since it is becoming so much more common, many people just let it go when it happens but its still very hurtful.

 

Basically instead of letting the person know that they do not want to see them anymore, they are being cowardly by just disappearing.

 

No matter how difficult it is to breakup with someone, everyone deserves to know why.

 

Depending upon how long you have been together, you will have to be more specific.

 

No one deserves to be left wondering and waiting.

 

What to do if  you’re ghosted in a relationship

 

If you are ghosted in a relationship, try to make a clean break. It’s better to know now that they are not the one for you.

 

Don’t watch what they do on social media. That is just too painful and is really not worth knowing.

 

 

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”- Maya Angelou

What to say to someone who ghosted you?

 

How do you respond to someone that ghosted you?

 

We have some scenarios and what you could say.

 

1. “I realize that we both are busy but do not ghost me, if we are over, I want to know.”

 

2. “I really don’t want to try to figure out why I haven’t heard from you so, either we are over or you will call with a great explanation.”

 

3. “You seem different lately, am I reading too much into this or am I being ghosted?”

 

4. “You haven’t responded much lately, so I’m going to assume we are not seeing each other unless you explain otherwise.”

 

5. “Being ghosted is the worst way to end a relationship, so I would rather know whats going on.

 

Out of the blue, you hear from someone again that has ghosted you

 

This is NOT how you are going to be treated and you need to tell them that. Period.

 

1 .“You just disappeared, I don’t communicate that way and I don’t take that from others either.”

 

2. “Please do not call or text me again.” 

 

3. “I had hoped that you were a different type of person, unfortunately, I was wrong.”

 

4 .“Seriously, dropping off the face of the earth was really not cool, do not text again.”

 

These are all simple ways of saying that you are a high value woman, or guy and that you won’t be allowing that to happen.

 

 Simple breakup phrases to use instead of ghosting

 

  1. I wish it would’ve worked out, but  I just don’t feel that spark.
  2. I don’t feel that we are compatible, but I wish you the best.
  3. I was hoping that my feelings would grow, but they haven’t, I’m sorry.
  4. I thought I wanted a relationship, but I don’t think that I do.
  5. I am sorry, I just don’t feel a romantic connection.

 

None of these are terribly specific, but they tell the other person that it’s over.

 

Honestly we don’t always have control over how we feel and we don’t want to hurt anyone, but going over a million scenarios in our heads is worse.

 

Unfortunately this doesn’t only happen in romantic relationships, It could happen from prospective employers, family and friends. 

 

This can do incredible long term damage to those relationships.

 

Maybe a friend disappeared when you needed them, but then showed up years later, irreparably harming the friendship.

 

Or maybe you worked with someone that disappeared when you were trying to complete a project together.

 

Do you think you will ever give that business or person a chance again?

 

Nope. When these things happen, they are rarely forgotten.

 

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What is ghosting in texting?

 

This is when the text conversation changes, the person gets more vague and distant.

 

Maybe they would normally text back relatively quickly, then all of a sudden it takes hours or days to get only a “few words” response.

 

 If it feels like you are pulling teeth to have a conversation, than that tells you that they don’t want to talk. 

 

Of course they may also just stop responding all together without any explanation. This is a terrible thing to do to someone. In reality it doesn’t reflect on you, but on their own immaturity.

 

What is ghosting on social media?

 

Ghosting on social media means that you may  have been “unfriended” or blocked by the other person without knowing what happened. This is obviously very telling!

 

This means that you cannot see what they post from your own account. If all of a sudden this happens to you without any explanation, it is a very hurtful thing to see.

 

Maybe it happens slower as in they usually “like” your photos and all of a sudden that stops. Then the texting slows down, it can be all of a sudden or a slow death.

 

 Obviously, if you and your partner posted personal pictures often, it would be better to not have to see that after a breakup anyway. 

 

Having pictures of the two of you on social media makes it so much harder if you break up. It hurts to see someone that you cared for, being happy without you.

 

 This is a relatively new twist that we have to deal with. The only way to safeguard against this type of thing is to be more private until you are in a serious relationship. 

 

 

how to avoid ghosting in a relationship

How do you break up with someone without hurting them over text?

 

 It’s better to do this in person or over the phone at the very least if you have dated over 4 or so times.

 

The longer that you have been together, the more the other person should have a real explanation. You would want the same done to you, so treat them with the same kindness.

 

If it is very early and you have dated only a few times, then you can use one of the simple “breakup phrases” above. 

 

 NO ONE deserves to not be answered. Breaking up happens all the time, so don’t just disappear without any type of contact.

 

 Most people do not like to feel any type of discomfort and therefore this seems to be the easiest thing to do.

 

This is just plain wrong, it’s not that hard, just let them down easy.

 

 How do you tell someone you are not interested without ghosting?

 

The best way is to just tell them. Keep it short and sweet. You really should not string someone along that you don’t want to see anymore.

 

How to tell if someone is not interested anymore?

 

You will start to see signs if they are not interested in dating anymore.

 

If they start to slow down their communications, that means that they are trying to add space to the relationship.

 

They may all of a sudden have more social events that they didn’t have before and you are not invited to meet up with them.

 

When you are texting you notice that the conversation becomes more generic. Details and personal insights are missing.

 

 Flirting has become virtually non existent. 

 

They may talk about friends of the opposite sex more. When someone is interested, they usually don’t talk about friends that are the opposite sex, so that you do not get the wrong idea. 

 

How to avoid ghosting in a relationship

 

The only way to truly avoid being ghosted is to have really good communication from the very beginning.

 

Tell your dates how you feel about “ghosting,” and why people who do that are hurtful. You don’t have to say anything else.

 

You are just saying from the get-go that communication is very important and what you think about  the people that ghost.

 

Remember that its great to ask questions on your date to make it interesting and also to get to know each other better. Be curious!

 

Obviously you have no control over their actions and if they ghost you then there was really nothing that you can do about that.

 

Hopefully they will at least not want to be seen as hurtful and will tell you without dropping off the face of the earth.

 

If the”ghoster” takes the easy way out, no drama, no conversations…nothing, it shows that this isn’t the high quality person that you would want in your life.

 

Maybe its better that they show their true colors early.

 

Communication and conflict skills are necessary for any long term relationship, so it’s better to know early if they don’t have that maturity.

 

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”- Maya Angelou

 

 

How to know when you have found the right one & conversation starters

 

How to know if you have found “The One”

Does she love me?

Conversation Starters

 

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