Isn’t it funny how easy it is to recognize how someone’s behavior is going to affect a relationship when it is not us?
When it comes to our own relationships, we can’t see the forest through the trees. This is why when we talk about wanting to get your ex back it has to be looked at very carefully and closely.
We could be watching a movie or listening to a friend tell us about their relationship and we can see the problems so clearly. But when it comes to us and being in the thick of emotion it is very hard to see clearly. Hence the “Love is Blind” saying.
Hopefully, our maturity and self-awareness gets better as we gain different life experiences.
After a breakup, we are a mixed bag of emotions. The reality is in some cases, by the time someone finally breaks up, they may have already tried enough times to keep things together. When this happens many have already emotionally disconnected.
To be honest, each time I have ended a relationship, it was over before the actual breakup and by that time it was really done. If that is the case, then reconnecting will be much more difficult because essentially the mourning period has already happened and going back is not an option.
There are circumstances where it’s possible to get back together with your ex. There are key steps to take to give this process the best possible chance. Starting after the breakup, you will need to…
Reassess the relationship
Why did it end? Why do you really want to get back together? Is it because you are just lonely in general or really lonely for that one person? If it is just a seasonal thing, then you should just forget it! Everyone wants to be a couple when the fall starts and we start to head into the holiday season.
Don’t put anyone through that! It’s just selfish and hurtful if not genuine.
Sometimes we are actually more upset at the idea of what it could have been, not what actually was.
Just because something is familiar and comfortable does not mean that’s a good enough reason to rekindle a relationship.
During this time, stay completely away from contacting your ex at all costs! Do not call, text, or see them. Be brutally honest about the “why“.
Work on yourself
Now, if you have decided that you really want to try again, you must take time to work on yourself. You do not want to be seen as needy, jealous or desperate. You need to get a grip, this matters! You must work to see very clearly where things need to be fixed within yourself.
Do you believe that you are able to really do the work necessary to change what you have done that contributed to the breakup? The reality is that if you are not willing to do the work on yourself, don’t bother.
Nothing will change and it will happen all over again. The last thing that you want is to be together and in a month or a year be in the exact same place.
They need time to breathe and to start to miss you. Absence does make the heart grow fonder. This takes time, make sure you allow enough. It would be healthy to meet new people during this time, it will help you remember that there are other fish in the sea!
After you really feel that you have gained your confidence and realize that you are fine and complete with or without a relationship, then you are ready to contact them.
Do not go any further if you are willing to lower your standards to be with them. Do not accept or put up with any type of abuse mental, verbal or physical.
Making contact with your ex
I would recommend not texting since a text does not have any context and it’s very easy to misinterpret, way too easy to screw up. I know many would like to get your ex back fast with a text message. But you may only get one chance so why risk it with a text?
A Better choice would be an actual letter or phone call.
A thoughtful upbeat letter or call that also may include any apologies that you feel are needed. You can end it with a simple, “I would like to get a cup of coffee sometime, let me know if you would be interested”.
If they do not agree to coffee you could send a text after the initial letter. This could be a simple remembrance of something that you both have shared. It could be a song,movie or anything that made you think of them.
The idea would be to lightly bring up a happy memory and let them think about this without any pressure for anything more. As you slowly start communicating more you should talk about the positive changes that you have made.
Start with a friendship!
Eventually, show how the changes that you have made would make this new relationship different if you were to get back together.
Move forward and do not rehash the past, treat this as a new relationship because it is!
Every relationship takes two people to care enough to give it the attention, patience and respect it deserves. This advice works if you want to get your ex girlfriend back or your ex boyfriend.
Don’t make these big mistakes
Acting needy or texting constantly after the break up is a huge turn off. If you are asking about who they are seeing your chances of getting back together in a healthy way plummets!
Not having communication is necessary in the beginning. Telling your ex how upset you are and hoping they will feel sorry for you will destroy your chances. You will look weak and that’s just not attractive. You need to gain strength for your own well being.
Remember that you DO NOT want to give your love and trust to someone that does not want or deserve it!
Also people tell us who they truly are by their ACTIONS not their WORDS…
It is very special when you see an older couple that has been together a long time smiling and holding hands. I think it would be nice if we could all experience that type of love one day. 😊