Having insecurities in a relationship can be extremely harmful if we don’t recognize and overcome these issues before it’s too late.
How to overcome insecurities in a relationship
In the beginning of a relationship, we are excited to be together all the time. Everything can feel electric and new
It is normal as time goes on to get more comfortable in the relationship and that initial spark mellows out.
This happens in all relationships and is nothing to feel insecure about.
We may not try as hard as we did in the beginning of the relationship to keep that spark alive but we shouldn’t forget the reasons that we were attracted to each other to begin with.
Think back to the things that you did when you were dating and try to recreate the same attention that you gave your relationship in the beginning.
Obviously life is busy and if you have children, they become a priority, but never forget who you are as a couple.
You have to make an effort to stay connected. If you don’t maintain your relationship, it will fizzle out.
What causes insecurity in a relationship?
Listen we ALL have our moments, moments of jealousy and self doubt but we can’t make bad decisions and act on those moments when we feel unsure of ourselves.
Below are the causes of feeling insecure in our relationships and the ways to deal with these negative feelings.
Feeling that you are not good enough
So often we doubt ourselves. We see people on social media that are beautiful and successful and travel the world. But social media is an illusion, it’s NOT real life. You cannot compare yourself to anyone else.
We have to feel good about who we are and what we bring to our relationships. We each bring unique qualities. Kindness, loyalty, compassion, companionship…so many things that we have to remember what is really important.
No one wants to spend time with someone that constantly needs reassurance. You are your own special person and you need to recognize that.
You have to be enough with or without a relationship.
You can only tell someone so many times that they are wonderful and loved. Having a needy personality is very unattractive so It’s up to us to bring our best, healthy self into a relationship.
Bringing past problems into your present relationship
The past is the past, we cannot bring those hurts and wounds into present relationships. Your partner now cannot pay for the sins of a previous partner.
This is why it’s so important to be healthy before you enter into a new relationship. It’s not fair to constantly have to reassure another person for something that happened in the past.
How do I stop being jealous and insecure?
We all have self doubt now and again, but if you feel this way often then that’s a bigger problem. We cannot allow our insecurities to drive our decisions and actions.
First we have to find out what the root cause of those negative emotions are. Is your partner doing things that your intuition is telling you that you need to be very aware of?
Has your partner ever given you reasons not to trust them? Has your partner been caught in lies?
You never want to ignore what you believe to be untrustworthy behavior. If someone has shown you that they cannot be trusted then you should leave the relationship or get professional help.
If this insecurity is coming from YOU because it has happened to you in the past, then this is something you need to deal with asap.
None of us want to be hurt and some of us are so fearful of losing our partners that we create imaginary scenarios to confirm our fears.
This will likely cause a breakup for no real reason other than our fears.
How do you deal with insecurities in a relationship?
Figure out why you have these insecurities. Are you given a real reason to be insecure? Or is this something that is inside of you or your partner that they need to fix?
Sometimes you need to leave the past and all its pains behind and start fresh, a new chapter.
Overcoming insecurities in a relationship
Build up your self esteem
You need to have strong self esteem. A good start to building self esteem is by being kind to yourself. Practice self care by paying attention to your physical and mental health.
Take some time to practice mindfulness and meditation. Physical exercise helps to minimize the anxiety that you may have. It’s not up to someone else to make us happy or fill a void, it is ONLY up to us.
Listen to your intuition
When you start with the negative self talk,stop and listen to that little voice that says “You’re being ridiculous,” “You know you shouldn’t say that,” “You’re talking out of fear.”
Trust your partner. People always deserve our trust until or if they prove that they are not worthy of that trust.
Do not read into everything
Stop overthinking and making up stories that are rooted in self doubt. We can imagine some crazy things, but do not let yourself be ruled by stories that are not real.
If your partner tells you he’s tired and wants to go to sleep early. That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you anymore or find you attractive and really he might be just tired!
Communicate with your partner
We need to have open and honest communication with our partner. Confiding with your friends is so very important. It helps to talk about your insecurities out loud.
That can help us see things clearer. Plus if we have friends that are honest with us, they can call us out when we are acting irrational.
If you find yourself harping on the same issues over and over again, then it may be time for counselling.
We can only change ourselves, we cannot change anyone else.
Be your own person
You need to have your own interests and your own life. That’s what makes us interesting.
We cannot and should not be so attached to our partners that we don’t have our own friends, passions or hobbies.
Being your own independent person is what makes you….you.
Can insecurity ruin a relationship?
The short answer is absolutely yes. You cannot EVER reassure someone enough if the root cause of the insecurity comes from within yourself.
Are insecurities normal in relationships?
We all come into relationships with a “past”. We all have gone through things that make us sensitive to things that we have been exposed to.
Knowing what we are sensitive to and making sure that we deal with these issues are essential if you want a healthy relationship.
Let’s put it this way, we all have insecurities, but they cannot be ignored. They are toxic and will create problems in a relationship that will tear people apart.
Conclusion How to overcome insecurities in a relationship
Once you figure out the source of the insecurities, you may have to do the work of fixing yourself or your relationship.
It’s possible that once you pinpoint what triggers your insecurities you will be able to snap back from your irrational fears.
Remember that the past is the past and when you decide to move forward, then that’s all that matters.
As we said before if you have reasons to mistrust your partner, then you need to have honest communication with them.
Never allow anyone to dismiss your concerns or feelings.
If someone is gaslighting you and telling you that your feelings are invalid then you may need to get counselling. Because that is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.