Its very easy to be attracted to someone or write someone off for the wrong reasons. What we need is a clear idea of the qualities we want and what to look for in a guy
So often in this social media age we are quick to pass people over, but we need to give guys a chance. We need to see if they have the qualities that we feel are very important to a successful relationship.
What to look for in a guy
When we use dating sites, it gives us the ILLUSION of endless people to choose from, which is definitely not the case.
In our parents and grandparents time, you were introduced to friends of friends and their limited social circle.
That’s the point, it was a limited social circle. People took the time to get to know each other more in depth and didn’t keep looking for the next best thing.
They had limited options BUT people were treated as real possibilities not disposable. That is by far the worst thing about dating today, people treating others as disposable.
Everyone wants to feel special and unique, so do your part to give guys a chance! No one is perfect but there are universal traits that we need to look for when choosing a partner.
Whether we are dating or searching for a good man to marry, these qualities must be present and what you should be looking for in a guy.
What qualities do I look for in a man?
Listed are the qualities of what to look for in a guy when you are dating or when choosing someone to marry.
This quality is so important because a man needs to be self aware to be able to see
how their behaviors affect the relationship.
You need someone intelligent and introspective to be able to think before they act and react. It is not healthy to be in a relationship with someone that acts on emotion first.
Being in a relationship with a guy that gets angry, jealous or jumps to conclusions before trying to process the emotions is exhausting.
This will erode the relationship especially when one person is self absorbed and unaware of how their behaviors affect their part in arguments and disagreements.
If a guy is not self aware they will not be open to the changes that may be needed to benefit the relationship.
Is the glass half full or half empty? Don’t think this is important? It is very important because as we all know, life is tough.
If he acts as though he is a victim and easily feel defeated, it will be so much worse. Having a good sense of humor is essential in being able to “go with the flow of life”.
Having a sense of humor can change the mood for the better in an instant, and honestly we all need more of that in our lives.
Being resilient is another way of being able to bounce back. To be able to look at the positive aspects of problems and situations
If you choose a guy with a positive and lighthearted personality, you will have a much happier relationship..
Having trust in your partner is a quality that we all put at the top of the list along with feeling safe. We need to know that we can count on the person that we choose to spend our lives with.
We need to be able to rely on our partner, to know that they will be there for us and that they respect us enough to communicate honestly.
Make sure that they don’t have a history of being dishonest or keeping secrets from either you or in their past relationships.
One of my all time favorite quotes
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” -Maya Angelou
Being respectful is a foundational quality. It affects all aspects of your relationship. If you are respectful to your partner, there will be lines that will not be crossed. They will want you to be your best self and be your biggest cheerleader.
If you are respected, then you are appreciated. Appreciated for who you are and who you want to become. If your partner is respectful, your communication will be much more constructive.
This goes both ways, if you give respect, you should get respect back.
Being physically attracted to your guy is an important part of life. Being intimate and affectionate helps to keep that spark and bond strong in your relationship.
The lack of chemistry and affection is not sustainable. We all want and need to feel loved and desired. We need to be told that we are loved and shown it with physical affection.
Both are necessary to making not only love last but also the friendship. When you are attracted to someone and their personality, you want to spend more time with them.
Everyone needs affection and is a big reason that people breakup. You may not think it’s that important until that one day you are reminded of what you are missing in your relationship.
Empathy is necessary to be able to feel your partner’s pain or vulnerability and to react in a positive way.
He needs to be open and willing to hear and empathize with your point of view, even when he does not agree with you.
Just being heard is so important in a relationship. Having compassion for another person is essential for couples to feel for each other even when there are disagreements.
Having a partner that is independent and has their own interests is so important to a healthy relationship.
You both need to be your own person because you cannot complete or fix anyone else.
Having a needy partner that is totally wrapped up in expecting you to make them happy is a recipe for disaster.
You should have outside friends and interests along with things that you both do together as a couple so that you do not lose yourself in the relationship.
This will help to keep that spark alive and remind you why you fell in love with each other in the first place.
Last but not least is the “glue” of a relationship. Having similar values is what will keep you together for the long run. How you both feel about kids religion, money & family. These are the important things that you need to discuss and be on the same page with.
Do you want children?
Are you religious? How much do you want that to be a part of your life?
How much time do you spend with family?
Who and what are your priorities?
What are your thoughts on the roles of men and women in the relationship?
How would we deal with money as a couple?
What are your expectations in a marriage?
Is traveling a priority?
What would happen If I got pregnant before we were ready?
How important is politics to you?
And so on. This is the big stuff. The stuff that you need to hash out before deciding on who you will marry. This is why being able to effectively communicate and respect each other is so important for a successful future together.
What to look for in a guy when dating
Now you know the qualities to look for in a guy. The key is to give someone enough of a chance to SEE if the person that you are dating even HAS these qualities.
You will not find these things out from a dating profile or from one coffee date. People are not always honest in a profile (shocking, I know!)
So meeting in person is important before just endlessly swiping. You also have to remember that many people have nerves when they meet someone for the first time.
So give people a pass if they stumble a little over their words or are more quiet or talkative than you would like.
Make sure to NEVER over invest in anyone that is not equally investing in YOU.
Women have a tendency to see potential in someone and over invest.
They think that THEY can bring out more of the positive qualities they see in the person.
Anyone that you date will have some positive qualities, but if they don’t invest the same amount of energy into the relationship, then don’t live in a fantasy.
You have to live in the present with the person that is showing up to you today.
What to look for in a guy to marry?
Choosing a partner to marry is such a big decision that we want to make sure that we make the right choice. That is why we need to know what to look for in a guy.
We know the important qualities that he should have, but many have these qualities in different degrees. Listen to your intuition.
You know when someone is treating you the way that you deserve to be treated. If he does not have many of the above listed qualities, then you should find someone more compatible.
Ask yourself these questions to help you see things more clearly
- How does he treat you NOW?
- How do you feel when you are with him?
- Where are your friction points?
- Are you able to disagree with respect?
- Do you both make an effort to find a solution when you disagree?
If you often yell, scream, call names or shut down and walk away you need to know this is a red flag. Without effort or counseling these bad habits will get worse.
None of us are perfect when we argue, but more often than not, you both NEED to make an effort to hear the other person.
The key is to try to understand their point of view even if you do not agree with them.
What do you look for in a relationship?
We are often attracted to people that are not the best for us. The reason is that we like what is familiar, and depending upon our choices in the past, this could be very wrong.
That is why we need to look at why our relationships in the past didn’t work.
Do we gravitate towards people with certain behaviors? We need to be aware and actively NOT choose these people with negative behaviors.
How do I choose a man?
Having similar values is the most important thing in choosing a partner. Values are how we define ourselves and what is important to us for the future.
OK, we have to face the facts of how easy it is when dating to find a flaw or a quirk and move on to someone else.
We all do it in some way and as we mentioned before, we need to be aware of our own actions and how we sabotage ourselves.
Conclusion “What to look for in a guy”
We may be attracted to blue eyes more than brown and dark hair instead of light. Whatever physical things that we are attracted to, the qualities above will give your relationship the best chance of happiness.
Know the difference between a quirk and a character flaw! Seriously think about that. A quirk is a personal habit a character flaw is something much more serious about how they act with you.
Find out how your partner prefers to show love by finding out their “Love Languages,” this can be very helpful for couples.
We have other posts that are insightful for relationships and helping you choose the best person for you!